Dear Stan,
Excerpt from the ever-acidic "Daily Mash" on the election result, which came through at about 5am London time (I was listening with one ear to the bedside radio). I should explain that "Lord Dimbleby" is David Dimbleby, one of the BBC's long time presenters. The fact that he and his younger brother Jonathan are always on our screens has, of course, nothing to do with the fact that their late father Richard was for decades the British equivalent of Walter Kronkite. Keep the family business in the family, I say.
AMERICA BUYS ALL THAT CHANGE BULLSHIT
"Change... yeah... of course"
BARAK Obama swept to victory last night as millions of Americans lapped up all that bullshit about change.
The Illinois senator made history as the first black American to become President and the 44th man to win the office with a lot of vague platitudes and an army of creepy spin doctors.
He told a crowd of 250,000 supporters in his home city of Chicago: "Remember, change is something that happens in the middle of the night when we're all fast asleep and very often the next morning no-one can tell that anything has actually changed.
"I promised you change you can believe in, I did not promise you change you can actually see."
He added: "You believe in Jesus don't you? Right, but have you ever seen Jesus? Exactly. Just making sure we're all on the same page."
Mr Obama said he would bring about change by working closely with the vast and terrifying multi-national corporations that had funded his campaign and pledged to end the war in Iraq in order to create a much bigger war in Afghanistan.
"But instead of some middle-aged white guy doing it, it'll be me and I'm half-Kenyan. What's that about?"
Bill McKay, a college student from Denver, said: "I can't believe I now live in a country where an African American can be elected to the presidency after spending just $600 million on advertising."
He added: "Give me a hug!"
Meanwhile, in the UK, thousands of people talked about staying up all night to watch the drama unfold, but then didn't.
Martin Bishop, from Oxford, said: "I was going to follow the coverage and have the significance of every result explained to me by Lord Dimbleby but then, at the last minute, I decided to go to bed because I don't care."
Denys Hatton, from Guildford, added: "If your life is such that you're placing all your hopes in one politician, then may I humbly suggest you get yourself a crate of superlager and a cardboard box and stop wasting everyone's time."
